The last 24 hours have been highly reflective. Which, if you had asked me 9 months ago, I rarely did. But since starting an education degree, I've found myself reflecting at the end of every week - whether it be through writing notes in my journal about what went well that week and what didn't, and how I can improve on those faults. However, yesterday was both reflective and encouraging all at once.
I will be starting my second internship of this degree on March 12th. So, yesterday I met with my internship supervisor. It was great getting to sit down with her and have a little "get to know you" session prior to her evaluating me on a weekly basis. She's sweet, kind, and offered many words of encouragement upon expressing my anxieties of this upcoming internship. She said to me, "You have a beautiful smile and I can tell you have a caring heart. Those are two important characteristic one needs to earn the trust of high school students." I thanked her for such kind compliments.
Later on in the day, I went out for supper with a new friend. She has experience working with high school students, and we discussed the upcoming internship. When I expressed how I was concerned that I wouldn't be able to get to know my students and have them get to know me in such a short period of time, she responded in saying, "From what I know about you and your personality, you'll have no problem earning their respect and trust. Just get down to their level, and show that you care and you'll do just fine."
Sometimes I find it difficult to take a compliment without debating in my head if the person offering the compliment is being truthful and genuine. It has nothing to do with their character, it derives from my insecurities and self-concious tendencies. I expressed this to my supervisor, and she came right out and told me that I was being too hard on myself. And it all just clicked. When I got home later on, I wrote in my journal a few notes about the day. One of those notes being, "my family was right."
Through my Grandad's illness and demise, I often blamed myself for not trying hard enough to spend more time with him. I remember one instance where his condition got quite worse in a 24 hour time period. I fled to his home (which is about an hour and 20 minutes away) and he laid asleep in his hospital bed in the living room. I cried. I cried for a long time. Miserable, shaking cries. And sobbed about how I shouldn't have spent time with my friends the night before and should have come to be by his side. Both my mother and Grandmother told me that I was being too hard on myself, and that it wasn't the first time I had treated myself in such a way. I knew that I was tough on myself, but who isn't, right? I sort of let it slide by, and trudged on the way I always had.
And like I've said time and time again on this blog, I've grown up a lot in a years time. In my reflecting, I've noted that I need to loosen up in some aspects of my life. I can't fix everything, and I can't be in more then one place at a time. My family knows that I love them, and being in their presence does not stop the hurt and unhappiness that comes with life. When someone gives you a compliment, their being honest. Listen to what people have to say about you, it'll help you grow.
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