On Having an Allergy in China.

A: I brought a gift back for you from my hometown.

Me: Really?! That's so nice of you! Thanks for thinking of me.

Student pulls out two apples (which might I add, were very sweet and delicious!) from a grocery bag.

A: My hometown is known for two things. One of them is apples. I hope you like apples!
He grimaces a little bit looking for approval. 

Me: Thank you so much, A! I eat an apple every day. I'm looking forward to my afternoon snack now!

A: My hometown is also known for seafood.

My heart sinks a little bit because I know exactly what's coming. 

A pulls a big box of seafood snacks out of the grocery bag. 

A: They are called...(pauses to translate what the box says)...dried shrimp?
He says it like a question because he is unsure of his translation.

Me: Oh, A! Thank you so much. This is so thoughtful of you. However, I can't accept the dried shrimps.

A: Oh. Why?

Me: Because I am allergic. They will make me very, very sick. Not because they are bad, but because my body doesn't like them.

A: Begins to open the box of shrimps. Ok, but maybe try just one?

Living in China with an allergy has been an interesting experience. A little back history - about 10 years ago I developed an intolerance/allergy to some types of shellfish. My doctor called it an allergy to red-veined shellfish (lobster, crab, and shrimp). Sometimes it results in being sick to my stomach for hours on end. However, most commonly, it ends in a cut-off airway, hives, and a lot of panicking. I'm equipped with an Epipen at all times. And while I've never had to use it, there have been some close calls (including a scare this summer where my brother...and my mom...and my dad...and well, my whole family, got a little upset with me when I chickened out of using it. Obviously the lectures came once I could breath again...)

What I have learned while living in China is that many locals don't understand what an allergy is. They can't comprehend how you can't eat something because it could kill you. The Chinese culture is a very giving culture, I find. They want you to experience and be a part of everything. They want you to understand what you are seeing, be a part of the activities that are happening, and taste all of the food. The insist, and pressure, and insist some more. But it's only because they don't want you to miss out. It's all coming from the kindness and generosity in their hearts.

One story sticks out in my mind so clearly. I was on a staff retreat in the Spring and we stopped at a restaurant on the way home. We were served this enormous lunch full of rice, soups, vegetable dishes, tofu, chicken, duck, and of course...shrimp. Lots and lots of shrimp. Everything sits on a "Lazy Susan" in the middle of the table and rotates. I was sitting beside one of my Chinese co-workers. When they shrimps went by, he stopped and offered me a piece. I politely said "No, thank you." He then picked a piece up with his chopsticks and set it on my plate saying, "These are very delicious. I'm sure you'll like them. Try!" This is roughly how the rest of the conversation went: 

Me: "It's not that I don't want to try it, it's that I can't. It'll kill me." 

Co-worker: "Ok, but it's delicious!"

Me: "I'm sure it is, and I wish I could try. But I can't. I'm sorry!" 

Co-worker: "But maybe just try a little bit?"

He just kind of looked at me and said, "Oh." And I felt bad. For something I can't control. I also felt so bad that morning last week when my student was so proud and pleased to be sharing a piece of his hometown with me. I paused before telling him I couldn't accept the second piece of the gift trying to decide the best way to deal with the situation. Some of the other teachers told me I shouldn't have said anything and just accepted the gift. But I didn't want to lie to him. I knew he'd ask me the next day if I tried some and if I liked it, and I didn't want to lie and say "Yes, they were delicious!" Also, I'm sure he (or his parents) spent a bit of money on these snacks. Seafood isn't cheap! And I wanted them to go to someone who would actually enjoy them and appreciate them. In fact, A said he would give them to his homeroom teacher because she loves seafood! I was happy that they found a good home! 

Hey! And maybe I've had it wrong the whole time! Maybe they are just all pretending to not understand. And when they insist that I try just one bite, even after telling them what the consequences would be, they were intending for the worst to happen...NAH! I'm just kidding.

What do you think? Should I have just accepted the treats? But when you're that allergic to something...you just don't want to handle them at all. I guess I could have given them to another teacher. I would have still had to explain to A that I couldn't eat them and they were wasted on me. 

A Trip to Xi'an.

Sometime in October, we found out that there was to be an international conference (APEC) held in Beijing in November. Much of the city would be shut down, there would be restrictions to who could drive and when, and the government was asking for schools to close for a short period of time. As such, we ended up with an impromptu holiday which gave students and teachers 3 days away from school. My first thought - time to explore!

I have a travel bucket list for Asia that I aim to complete before leaving. So far I've been to Shanghai and Datong (which wasn't on my list, but I'm so glad I went!). Now I can check Xi'an off that list. 

Xi'an is most famous for being the site of the Terracotta Warriors. In my final year of my undergrad at St. Thomas University, I needed some courses to fill up my class schedule. I decided to take a first-year history class. In this class, we spent a period of time discussing ancient Chinese history. I don't remember a lot about this class, but I do remember learning about the Terracotta Warriors. I remember being marveled by the concept of it, and thinking to myself "Man, this is amazing! Imagine what it would be like in person." 

For those of you unfamiliar with what the Terracotta Warriors are, they are an army of terracotta soliders (and horses, weapons, and carriages) built by Emperor Qin (rather, the men he hired), who ruled over China from 259 BC - 210 BC. Emperor Qin is also the man who ordered the construction of the Great Wall of China. Essentially, he wanted these soldiers built so they would protect his tomb and himself in his afterlife. It is speculated that over 750,000 men worked on this terracotta warriors over 39 years and all of them were killed afterwards as the Emperor wanted the army to be kept a secret in fear that someone would try to destroy. 

In 1974, farmers who were out in the fields attempting to build a well, dug up one of the soldiers. They were very afraid when they first found the piece of the solider, and immediately began to bury it again. It is said that digging up someone's tomb leads to bad luck for eternity. During the process of re-burying, they found a piece of bronze. This brought them to a new realization as they knew that bronze was associated with importance and power. They reported what they found, later to discover that they had happened upon something so rich in history they would be forever famous. Since then, the area has been taken over and archeologists, researchers, and the government have spent the last 30 or so years digging up the soldiers and piecing them back together. And the work is not finished. They expect that it will take another 20 years to uncover all the soldiers (expected to be about 8000 of them) and piece them all back together. 

I can't find the words to best describe my experience getting to see the Terracotta Warriors first hand. I tried to describe it to my mother via text message and this is what I said: 

"It was cool to see it all, but the history and the things I learned is just mind boggling. Seeing something that is over 2000 years old, just...no words!"

We purchased a tour guide to take us around the area. It was the best impulse buy I've made in a while. All of the information I have written here on the blog came from our guide. No Wikipedia, no history books, all from her mouth and knowledge of the subject. She had been working as a guide at the Terracotta Warriors Museum for 10 years. She knows her stuff! She answered every question we had, and gave us way more information than what was provided on the minimal signage around the museum and displays. The combination of the dense history lesson and seeing it all first hand is what makes this probably one of my favourite historical experiences I've had in China (next to the Great Wall).

One of my favourite things about living in China is how much history there is to learn about and soak up. Beijing itself is just swimming in history. What I have quickly come to learn about myself since moving here about 14 months ago is that I am becoming quite a history nerd. It gives me goosebumps and sends shocks through my body to witness first hand the things that make China what it is today. The things that shape its culture.  And in return, I am becoming more worldly and knowledgeable about the different ways of life in this big world of ours. It makes me want to travel more, to learn more, to see more, and to do more. Who knew that that fourth year student sitting in a first year history class marveling over pictures and words in a book, remarking about how amazing this piece of history is, would now be sitting in her apartment in a small village in Beijing reflecting on the history she had just seen? I guess dreams can come true...

Happy Birthday, Amanda!

You're 25! We're the same age for a little while, until January rolls around again. This is now the fourth birthday post I've written to you. Going back and reading those posts from 2011, 2012, and 2013 are a treat! I remember sitting in the living room of the house we rented on Windsor Street in Fredericton. You had started a blog and had been trying to convince me to do the same. I was sitting on the big couch in front of the bay window, and you were sitting in the smaller one kiddy cornered beside me. I created the blog, wrote my first "get to know me" post, and was convinced the blog would be a thing of the past in about a month. Here we are, just over three years later and the blog is still going strong. Seeing me from an education student, to moving to the other side of the country, to moving to the other side of the world while starting my career and seeing through my dream to see the world. 

We have this little tradition that I was introduced to when we were living and working together as RAs in Vanier. It's called "Here's the time time..." We pop a bottle of champagne with our friends, and take turns telling a memory that we have of the birthday boy or girl. Then we cheers them and take a sip (or gulp!) of the champagne. So, on Amanda's 25th birthday, I want to look back on a few of those memories that have brought us to where we are today. 

Amanda, here's to the time...

/+ You greeted me in "The Pit" of Vanier on my move in day as my first day as an RA with a giant hug. We had known each other for a while at that point, but that embrace was definitely the beginning of what has become a cherished and important friendship in my life. 

/+ We won the cheer off together! (and all the other residents in Vanier. But let's be honest - we were DEFINITELY the loudest and most exuberant!) 

/+ We were studying in your room with Cara and we asked her to open the window because it was warm. She cracked it approximately 1 cm. I remember how much my midsection hurt from laughing so hard! 

/+ You held me while I cried and listened to me while I talked after finding out Grandad had cancer. It was the hardest days of my life, and your bright smile, kind heart and warm hugs made it a little bit easier. 

/+ We moved in together in the house on Windsor street...and spent our first night in the house cleaning, cleaning, and cleaning. 

/+ We made a homemade advent calendar for the month of December which saw us watch Christmas movies, drink hot chocolate, and get a real Christmas tree.

/+ We drove to the Irving and got blue slushies (you a mixed one of blue and red I believe) on the first day of Spring. 

/+ I couldn't find the turn off for the truck stop in Bangor and it was dark, and the GPS was being crazy and making me U-turn, and you were giggling, and I was yelling and freaking out. But we made it, you told me stories about how you went to this particular truck stop when you went in the truck with your dad, and we laughed at a lady who brushed her teeth at the table, and I drank coffee, and we were just us. 

/+ (this one is "the times") we were driving around New Brunswick, PEI, and through Maine, New Hampshire, and Vermont singing John Mellencamp, "Blurred Lines", Michael Jackson (me), and you the country songs you put on the play list that I agreed to! 

/+ (again, this one is "the times") you fell asleep while we watched Friends, Gilmore Girls, or during a movie night. I tried not to get annoyed or frustrated because I know it makes you feel warm and comfortable to fall asleep while a TV is playing and people you love are in the room. How can you get mad at that?!

/+ You got engaged and I was there and I know it might have been weird and maybe it would have been more romantic and intimate if it were just the two of you. But I'll never forgot that moment you walked towards me on the beach, and I heard a lady say "Congratulations" as you walked towards me, and I looked up from my book, and there were still tears in your eyes, and you held up your hand and smiled and I said "No way!" and we hugged and I hugged Tony, and now your getting married, and I am so so so so happy for you and that you found your person. 

Happy Birthday, Amanda! I love looking back and seeing how our friendship has grown and how much I've grown since knowing you. You have taught me so much about love, life, and being a good friend. I am also so incredibly thankful that I get to share my China journey and adventure with you. That we are getting to see another part of the world together while also working and being adults. You are my best friend, and I love you always and forever. 

Here's to ALL of the times, and the many more to come. 

NOT Worrying.

Amanda had this print in her apartment the last time I visited. I pointed at it and said "I like that. A lot." Later in the week, she sent me the print. I have since printed it off and placed it on my bookshelf so I see it EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. (I plan to put it in a frame, but that's not a 5-minute kind of errand to Wal-Mart here in Beijing). 

Life can be stressful. Life can throw all kinds of curveballs. I can freely admit (and people who know me well will agree) that I am a controlling person. I have a hard time letting go. I have always had a hard time giving up control and delegating. I know how I want things to be done, and I can see the finished product ahead, and I feel more comfortable completing it myself then letting others do it because I don't want them to let me down and I don't want to make them feel stressed by my looming over them. How controlling of me was it to say that? And reading it back it sounds so harsh! But I think that (maybe?) other people who have these controlling characteristics like I do can relate and agree. 

Let me rephrase what I mean. I have a tendency to delegate and let others help, and then in the end I tweak and redo things. In return, that probably makes them feel bad, frustrated, angry, and annoyed. And on my end I feel anxious, sad, frustrated, and annoyed. 

So, since seeing this print in Amanda's apartment, I'm trying harder to remind myself to not worry about things so much. To not be so controlling. If you can't fix it or do anything to make it better, stop worrying about it. If you can fix it and make things better, then don't worry about it. Everything gets done in time. Stop stressing so much. 

In fact, I've started showing other people this print in my room when I hear them getting stressy. I don't know if it is impacting them the same way it is impacting me, but I think it's starting to make a difference in my life. 

Print by elisejoy.com 

Book Club: "The Giver"

I've always wanted to join a book club. It's probably that "literature major going to a liberal arts school" bone in my body that causes part of the urge to want to join one. So, in my latest blogpost about how I want to be living my life lately, one of those things was being more involved in the city I'm living in. Feeling more settled and that I live here, not just that I'm visiting for a prolonged amount of time. I decided before coming back to Beijing at the end of the summer, that I'd finally join a book club, something that I've been talking about doing for a few years now. A great way to motivate myself to read for pleasure, to meet new people, and to talk about and discuss good books (#nerdalert). 

Luckily for m, my friend Amanda, who also works in Beijing at another school, was also looking to join a book club and invited me to join some of her work friends at a monthly book club meeting at her school. There's the comfort of already knowing one person, but also the opportunity to meet many others. And we are all teachers, so we have that in common too which makes for great after book talk discussions with a glass of wine. 

This week we had our first meeting. Well actually the second meeting after reading our first book. I didn't attend the first meeting which is when they chose the first book we'd read: "The Giver." I was excited that they had chosen that book. Since the movie was released, it had been on "to read" book list. And now I had the push to do it. 

I first read this book when I was in the 8th grade. I remember when I read it then that I didn't understand it and therefore didn't really like it. Honestly, though I can't ACTUALLY remember, I probably didn't even finish the book because 13 year old me was so bored with it. Now, 25 year old me is laughing at the 13 year old me. But I totally get why I didn't understand nor like it at that age. It was too complex with too many underlying themes and meanings for me to really appreciate this award winning book.

So, point blank: I love this book. It's a short book. Only 180 pages. And while it deals with this "perfect" world with "perfect" people and the "perfect" solution to everything and anything, I found myself having so many different emotions in this little book. Happiness at the thought that the characters in this book don't have to experience pain and anguish and heartache. (Sidenote: I'm a big fan of a good feelings circle. Talking about your feelings, listening to others talk about their feelings, and then discussing what those feelings mean. I'm fluffy and sentimental like that). So, I loved the idea of how it is mandatory for the citizens of this "perfect" world to share their dreams that they had, to talk about how they were feeling at the dinner table, and they never questioned why they had to do so. It is just how their world is, so they do it.

But Jonas (the main character) is different then his family, friends, and neighbours. He questions why things are this way. He knows that the world must have been different at another time. And when he is appointed as the new Receiver, his questions start to be answered and he starts to learn that there is a whole lot more to life then the mundane and routine of his. And so begins his journey, where he receives memories of a time before, where he experiences love, pain, heartache, sadness, overwhelming joy and happiness. He knows things that others don't. And it's pleasure to read how he grows and how he deals with these new memories.

I highly recommend this book to everyone. It is a short read, but it is filled with so much depth and feeling. It was awesome discussing this book with others who love reading as well. We discussed the use of colour in the book, the idea of being released and what it meant, the way the book ended and how it made us feel, and our favourite memories that were described in the book.

Our next book (WHICH I AM SO EXCITED TO READ AND THEREFORE TOTALLY DESERVES THE USE OF ALL CAPS) is Lena Dunham's "Not That Kind of Girl."

Have you ever read "The Giver"? What did you think? What were some of the themes that resonated with you?

The Life I Want to Live. Question Mark.

This week is National Holiday in Beijing. We have the week off and so does the rest of China it seems. While I would like to go away for the week somewhere beachy, sunny, and peaceful, I need to save my money for the month I have off in February. So I stayed in Beijing, have been spending time with friends, and focusing on me. The latter activity was not planned in any way, but it has been very refreshing and much needed. 

Amanda and I have spent a lot of time together this week. Talking, laughing, playing games, eating good food, and watching good television shows and movies. In one of our talks, Amanda said something to me along the lines of living the life she wants to live. I often find myself saying in my head or out loud "I wish my life were like that" when I browse the internet, see other peoples pictures, or watch movies and TV. It comes in all variations. Big things like living in New York, taking a vacation to somewhere extravagant, or falling in love with your soulmate. Little things like having matching dinnerware, buying decorations for your home that suit your style, and having Sunday brunch with friends. I find as I'm getting older and sailing through my mid-twenties (ugh, saying that I am in my mid-twenties makes my head dizzy and I become short of breath) that I want different things in life, things that say to me that I'm ready to settle. Which surprises me, because I spend so much of time preaching that I'm not ready to settle at all. 

I love routine. I love doing things that make me feel immersed in the place I'm living in. I love doing things that make me feel like an adult (and saying THAT makes me feel SOOO immature and the opposite of adult). I want my life to be a certain way. I want to get up in the morning and stop hitting snooze 3 or 4 times. I want to come home from work at night, pour myself a glass of wine and read. I want to go out with my friends for happy hour and laugh at the ridiculous things that are said and memories that are shared around the table (I'm writing this while watching "Friends" and maybe that's a bad influence as those people never work as much as the play). I want to stop feeling anxious, stop feeling unsettled, and start feeling like me. Whatever that's supposed to feel like. 

So, I've been reflecting. Looking back on the last couple of years and thinking about what I want this later part of my twenties to be like. I'm going to start being the person I envision. The person I keep pointing at and saying "I want my life to be like that." I'm going to stop worrying about the "what if's" and start treating myself like the 25 year old that I am. Start doing the things that make me happy without feeling guilty or saying to myself "Is this normal? Am I missing out? What would others think?" Because as easy as it is to say "I'm going to stop over thinking so much!" It's definitely easier said that done. 

My Summer.

What a whirlwind seven weeks at home I had. On the beginning side of it, seven weeks at home was something to be excited about. What a long time that would be! I could see family, friends, take little trips, and surely check off everything on my to do list. SEVEN WEEKS! At home. What a treat! Well, I'll tell you now. I shouldn't have blinked, because those seven weeks flew by just like that *snap!*

First of all, can I just say, jet lag is a...bitch! Sorry for the bad language, I just don't know how I can express my sentiment towards jet lag in any other way. It sucks. No wait, it doesn't just suck, it is awful, no good, and screws up a lot of things. So, after traveling for almost 24 hours, and arriving home in Florenceville at almost 5am (which was 4pm that night in Beijing), I was NOT ready to go to sleep. Mom and Dad collapsed. So, I unpacked, had a snack, watched TV, and puttered until they awoke. I felt like a pet animal chomping at the bit waiting for their family to wake up so we could play fetch - in my case, so I could talk their ears off. I knew I was going to crash at some point, but it was suspenseful waiting cautiously for it to hit. And it hit hard! At about 4pm that afternoon on the way home from running errands in Woodstock. I dragged my feet into my bed and was out like a light. I could have slept until the next day. But I made my parents promise me they'd wake me up for supper. Which they did. I don't remember eating, but apparently I did and promptly went back to bed. For the next week, I was going to bed between 7pm and 11pm and waking up before sunrise. IT SUCKED! But I got through it and had fun in the meantime while my eyes were able to stay open. 

What a memorable summer I made. Mind you, it didn't consist of much relaxing, but rather running the roads and trying to see and do as much as I could with the limited time I had. (Which is a large reason why I did not post on the blog this summer. Oops!) Also, remember how I said at the beginning that I had SEVEN WEEKS at home and it was just amazing and blew my mind how long that was. Well, I take that back. Seven weeks isn't long at all when you spend 11 months of the year in a different part of the world. Nope, not long at all. 

In those seven weeks, I had family gatherings, Christmas in July, birthday celebrations, reunited with friends, went on two short trips to PEI (one with better weather conditions than the other), campfires, bumbles, best friend sleepovers, game nights, rounds of golf (can I just add here, that while I'm in no way a great golfer, I played the best rounds of golf in my entire life this summer), tried to get a tattoo, witnessed a beautiful engagement and a beautiful marriage (two separate occasions and not related), and ate some delicious, delicious, mouthwatering food. While I was able to accomplish almost everything on my to-do list while I was home, I certainly in no way came back to Beijing three weeks ago feeling relaxed, refreshed, and ready for a new school year.

OK! Now, please don't read all of this thinking I'm whining. I know it's coming off that way, and I thank you for pushing onward and continuing to read this far. I envision many people hitting escape and saying "What a brat!" I can't say it enough, I'm so thankful that the company I work for gives me the time off and option to go home for the summer holiday. I'm also so thankful that I work in an occupation that allows me to take that much time off at once. Not many people get to do that, I understand this. And I also know that I am the one who chose to move to China, and I am the one who also decided to come back for another year. But have you heard that saying "You don't know what you've got until it's gone." (In my case, it's more like "You don't know what you've got until it's not accessible anymore"(?)) Well, after living in a foreign country for a year and coming back home to the western lifestyle, I'd kinda forgotten how good it was to live in the same country as the people you love the most, and I'd also forgotten how "easy" life is at home. "Easy" in the sense that the things you like the most in your day to day life are accessible in so many ways. Craving a burger? Go get one. Need a checkup? Go see your doctor. Ran out of milk? Jump in the car and go to the grocery. Easy peasy. Also, being in the majority again is a nice luxury. No more being starred at, having your photo taken unknowingly, not understanding what people are yelling at you. It's pure bliss. I tried to remind myself on many occasions while I was home not to settle. Because I was going to have to pick up and go back to Beijing at the end of August. But the more time I was home, the more trips I took to Fredericton, the more laughter I shared with my longtime friends, the more comfortable I got and the less excited I was getting about going back. It wasn't until someone would ask me about my job that I would feel that excitement and yearning for my life back in Beijing. 

As the final week of my summer vacation was winding down and the packing began, I felt a mixture of sadness, heartache, excitement and anxiety (both the good kind and the bad kind - I HATE PACKING!). It was time to return to my life in China. I was excited. I was excited to see my friends there and share stories of our summer, I was excited to see my students and hear about their adventures over the summer and share in the happiness of reuniting, I was excited to meet my new students and create a new classroom community, and I was excited for the new adventures that would be sure to unravel over the next year of my life in Asia. At the same time, I was sad to leave my family again, I was sad to say goodbye to my friends (because who knows if we'll all be in the same place again this time next year), I was sad to say goodbye to clean air, I was sad to say goodbye to being in the majority, and I was sad to say goodbye to the comfort of home. Ah, the dynamic of bittersweet events. But I'm back, and it's good. It's always good to be back! I love my new students, I'm so happy to be back in the classroom, and trips are being planned for the coming months and I'm so excited for new adventures. 

What a whirlwind seven weeks at home I had. On the ending side of it, seven weeks at home was something to be excited about. But what a short time it was! I saw family, friends, took little trips, and checked (almost) everything off on my to do list. SEVEN WEEKS! At home. What a treat! Well, I'll tell you now. I shouldn't have blinked, because those seven weeks flew by just like that *snap!*