Just Jump.

I had a wonderful Skype date with my dear friend Cara last night. She's from Vermont - Amanda and I went to visit her a few weeks ago during our week off of school (blogpost to come). 

During our conversation, Cara told me a story about an interaction she had with her mother wherein her  mom gave some wise words of wisdom without intentionally meaning to. Here is what she said to her: 

"You can't always be so cautious, sometimes you have to jump." 

I was speechless. All I could say to Cara in the moment was that I really needed to hear that. You see, I've made a pretty big decision in my life recently concerning my future. At the end of July, I'll be packing up my things and saying "So long" to New Brunswick and "Hello!" to Alberta. I've been yearning for a new adventure, and wanted to think of myself as someone who could just pack up and leave on my own. However, the more I thought to myself about it and the more I tried to convince others around me that I could do it, the more I realized and felt like it's just not for me. It's too much out of my comfort zone. I beat myself up about this, and often compared myself to my close friends who have experienced adventure after adventure. I thought myself a coward and immature. I was being cautious.

Then, I woke up and saw the bigger picture. Many of my close friends who have been on these adventures have different circumstances in their life. They went away with loved ones, are more experienced in travelling, and have a different relationship with their family. Thought I've travelled outside of New Brunswick, I've never lived anywhere else…and New Brunswick is a small province. On top of that, I hail from a small town of 1500 where (almost) everybody knows your name (or your family). Moving to a larger province and to a HUGE city compared to my small town life is going to be a big step. And no one is expecting me to do it alone except for…me! I was being to hard on myself. I still at times think that I should have sucked it up and just done it alone, but when a friend expressed her interest in moving out west, I jumped at the opportunity to partner up with her and presented her the idea of becoming roommates and taking this adventure together. Here lies the jumping. 

Which leads us to today. Plans are rolling along and this small town country girl is about to become a big time city girl. 

Excited? Yes! 

Happy? Yes! 

Anxious? OH YES! 

Nervous? You bet! 

All part of the adventure? Most definitely! 

Happy Birthday, Mom!

Today is a very special day in our family. Today is my Mom's birthday. Not just any birthday though - her 50th birthday. She may have a comment or two about me revealing her age on my blog post, but this is a very special birthday and deserves celebration and admiration!

Mom, on your birthday I want to remind you of a few reasons why I believe I have the best mother in the world: 

-- You climb flights and flights of stairs to help me move into my first apartment despite the pain and discomfort you have been feeling in your knee lately. 

-- You listen to me rant about difficulties in school and at work and you always sympathize, even if I'm blowing things way out of proportion. 

-- When I come home after being away for a while, you wash my sheets and hang them out on the clothes line because you know how much I love the smell of freshly air-dried sheets. 

-- You make the best chocolate chip cookies! 

-- You know how much better it feels to have your mom when you're sick, so even at 23, you nurture me back to health and my heart always feels whole again afterwards. 

-- Hello! You give the best hugs ever! 

-- Snowstorm after snowstorm, you trucked me all over the province and sat in the bleachers for almost every figure skating competition I competed in. Your support and love inspired me to always do my best (even though I never did become a world famous figure skater). 

-- You love me for who I am, inside and out - tattoo and all ;-)

Happy Birthday, Mom! Love you, always and forever.

Side note: For Mother's Day, my Dad wrote an original poem for my Mom. After hearing it, I promised it would make an appearance on my blog. Today seems like the perfect day for it:

A poem for Heather Ann Dickinson by Stephen Jack Dickinson

It's your special day today, 

It's a wonder you're still sane;

The years you put up with us, 

Even through your aches and pains. 

You're a friend, a mom, and a wife, 

You did this all for free; 

I will treat you with some cash, 

So you can enjoy a shopping spree. 

I will reward you with your cash, 

On the week-end you turn fifty; 

To shop for some new clothes, 

To make you look more nifty. 

Enjoy your day with all of us, 

We will wait on you with pride; 

Cause you are a special mom, 

And we will always be by your side. 

The End. 

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to my rock, my best friend, and my confidant. I'm so blessed to have such a beautiful mother, inside and out who supports me and encourages me to do my best and reach for the stars. Love you, Mom!

"I love my mother as the trees love water and sunshine - she helps me grow, prosper, and reach great heights."  ~ Terri Guillemets

In Memory of a Great Man.

The feeling, the sights, and the sounds are imprinted in my mind forever. Laying on the couch in the family room in the Palliative Care unit, my mother telling those of us who were taking in a small nap that it was time. Panic set in, and nothing could prepare me for the sadness that was to come that night and in the following days.

Never before have I felt time fly by faster than this past year. 365 days have passed and not one day went by where I didn’t think of him, think about that day, and think about how soon he was taken from us. May 9^th, 2011 at 12:45am my beloved Grandad passed away after a long and tiring battle with cancer.

Everything in the two days leading up to his death and the week after are so fresh in my memory it seems like it only happened yesterday. Getting the phone call before work that it was time for me to come to Saint John to be by his side, the emotions that ran high in the hospital room when he took his last breath, the eyes that were on myself and the rest of my family the day of his funeral, then exactly one week after his death standing in front of a thousand people accepting my university diploma fighting back tears knowing he wasn’t there. I can easily say that the passing of my Grandad was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through thus far in my 23 years. 

 

My Grandad was a great man. He took pride in his family, and adored his grandchildren. He was our leader, and would bend over backwards for any of us. I can still picture him standing against the glass watching Brad play hockey, watching through the fence as the four grandchildren soaked up the summer sun in the pool, and distributing the Christmas presents from Uncle David's Christmas parcel on Christmas day, fixing his glasses to read the small print that David put on every present. I remember all of those things just as much as I remember Grandmom sitting at his bedside holding his hand as he struggled to take his last breath and she whispering "It's okay" "It's okay, you can go." I admire their 50 year marriage that was fully of love, support, and encouragement - I aspire to love someone that way someday. 

To my family, this has no doubt been a difficult year. I believe we have become stronger and closer over the last year, and Grandad would be very proud of us and how we have dealt with this great loss - for me, my first. I know he is watching over us everyday, brimming from ear to ear with love and pride. I could not have gotten through this year without you all, and I always know that through thick and thin you'll always be a phone call away, always and forever. 

To Grandad, I miss you everyday. You were nothing but supportive and encouraging of me, and I missed you terribly when I walked across that stage to accept my diploma. Despite you physically not being there, I could feel you smiling and whispering to me "Way to go, number one Granddaughter!" And as another degree nears its ending, I will feel you once again as I cross the stage, and I will look up and wink, because this one's for you. Love you, always and forever. 

To Fridays.

I haven't written a "this week was great" post in a while, so I think it is about time. This week was such a good week. Though I felt tired for most of it, and I think I might be coming down with a little bit of a bug, the amount of time I got to spend with friends was plentiful and that's what makes my weeks so enjoyable. So, in channeling my inner Amanda, I say to you: Happy Friday!

- The week kicked off when Sara, Amanda, and I went to see Titanic in 3D. It was quite expensive to see the movie, but well worth it. All I wanted to do was to be able to say that I've seen the movie on the big screen and watch Rose and Jack dance and laugh in 3D, and now I can say I have.

- I had my second to last observation at my internship this week, and it went really well. My supervisor helped me to reflect on my lesson and offered some very flattering comments. I left feeling light as air and reminded that I can be too hard on myself sometimes and that I have to listen to what other people tell me.

- On top of getting a good review from my supervisor, I nailed down a job for myself for the summer. It is back at the garden centre that I worked at last summer. It certainly beats having to scramble around the city trying to find summer employment (which in this city is hard to stumble upon it seems).

- I think the major reason why I was so tired this week is because I've been packing almost every night. Tomorrow I'm moving out of the house I've been living in for the last year, and next weekend I'm moving into my own apartment. Now, I have to tell you that I absolutely HATE packing. I never know where to start, I get frustrated and distracted, and it just takes a lot of time and organization. However, I'm thoroughly looking forward to the unpacking, decorating, and setting up of my very first apartment! However, before that I get to be roommates with my best friend for a week - something I've always been curious and yearning to do :)

Before

- I chopped off my hair this week spontaneously. I had the appointment booked to get my hair cut, but had only intended on getting it trimmed. However, the night before in a frustration at the mess of my hair, I decided that I would cut it off so it would be less of a hassle and more "summery." And that's just what I did…and I love it!

After

- Last night, Amanda and I went to the public library and saw Sarah's Key. First perk: it was free. Second perk: there were refreshments (and they were free!) Third perk: The movie was fantastic, and makes me want to read the book even more then I did before going. Fourth perk: I got to spend time with a great friend, Amanda.

Happy Friday to you. What made you smile this week?

Life is Chaos

My life can be quite an adventure. In fact, sometimes it can only be described as chaos. I’m sure there are a lot of you reading and nodding your head up in down in agreement with this feeling. Easter weekend just past, and I ventured to my hometown for four days of relaxation, spending time with family, and getting caught up on sleep. What a great weekend!

Mom and Dad’s 25^th anniversary was on the 4^th of April. This is a pretty big milestone in their lives, and my brother and I both agreed that we should do a little more for them on their anniversary then we have in the past. So, after calling all my family members and combining our funds, we purchased my mother and father a new pub-style dining set. Here begins the recent chaos of my life.

As the clock struck 3:45 on last Thursday afternoon, I packed up my book bag and headed home from school. Not being proactive in my organization of the afternoon, I had yet to pack a suitcase to go home with. I was on a time constraint as the warehouse where I had to pick up the dining set closed at 5pm and the neighbour who kindly offered to hide it for me needed to leave his house at 6pm. After rushing home and throwing necessities for the weekend in my suitcase willy-nilly, I rushed out the front door yelling, “Have fun in Montreal!” to my roommate Amanda as I probably slammed the door behind me.

Oops, I forgot that 4:30 traffic in Fredericton can be insane – and that’s just what it was! I watched the clock tick minute by minute as I hit every red light possible and got stuck behind the slowest of drivers (or so it seemed, considering I was in such a rush). Getting to the furniture store at 4:45pm, I sped walked into the store to pay the remaining balance on the bill. Of course there was a customer in front of me telling the cashier her life story (might I add, the only cashier on duty, as well). I waited, arms folded, foot taping, watching the clock tick minute by minute edging closer to 5pm.

The debit card machine read “Accepted” and I fled the store to get to the warehouse with ten minutes left on the clock. I’m terrible with directions, and feared that I wouldn’t be able to find the building. After driving past the street it resided on, I u-turned and parked my car in front of the garage doors with five minutes left on the clock. I had made it and everything would be ok.

Nope. Wrong. Of course the table was about an inch and a half too big to fit into my puny car. The loading guys looked at me and smirked a bit after witnessing my distress. I remember saying “You guys need to figure out a way to get this into my car. I have no other option. It has to get home this weekend.” They hummed and hawed and I finally suggested that they take it out of the box. They warned me it could get damaged, but I said that as long as they were careful putting it in, I’m sure it will make it home safely. So, they ripped the tape off the box and carefully placed the table into the trunk of my car. I thanked them for their patience and zoomed off towards home.

Pulling into the driveway after dropping the table and chairs off to my friendly neighbour, Jay so he could assemble them for us, I sighed a huge sigh and became overwhelmed with anticipation to successfully pull of this surprise for my parents.

*Beep beep* My iPhone goes off the next afternoon. I read a text from Jay. “Can you call me?” Cue pit in stomach. Jay asks if I could look in my car for a package of washers and bolts that might have fallen out of a box into my car. I already knew that there would be nothing in my car, but I took a look anyway. As I suspected, the package got left behind in Fredericton when they took the table out of the box. My mind was screaming. I was sure the surprise was over.

But, Jay being level-headed, put the chairs together and positioned the table perfectly on top of the old stools so we could still surprise my parents. After having a wonderful supper out at a restaurant called “The Crow’s Nest” we came home to new furniture. Once Mom and Dad realized what was going on, yells of “Is this really for us?” and “You’re kidding me!” filled the room. I was so relieved that the surprise was pulled off despite a few bumps in the road. I am also so grateful for the help that Jay gave both Brad and I, cause I know if I had been putting them together, I would have given up after five minutes.  

Moral of the story: expect the unexpected and be thankful for kind neighbours. 

25 on your 25th

Mom and Dad, this post is for you:

Today is your 25th wedding anniversary. This is a day to celebrate your love, your accomplishments, and what your life has become over the last 25 years of holy matrimony. I think that you both deserve recognition and congratulations for making it through the rough times, the happy times, the times when you felt on top of the world, and the times when you were thankful to have each other to lean on. I am so blessed to come from such a tight-knit, hardworking, and loving family. I just want to take the next few minutes to thank the both of you and show you how much I love you both more then anything in this world. There are thousands of reasons why I think I am the luckiest daughter in the world, but here are 25 highlights on your 25th Anniversary.

    1.  You have good taste in baby names. Even though my name was supposed to be Michelle, I'm super happy I ended up with the name Melissa. It's a great name for coming up with nicknames for. I love that my closest friends call me Mel and Missa.

2.  Even though you named me Melissa, I love that I grew up being referred to as Molly and in my teens and twenties being referred to has Maud. My heart swells with love every time you call me by those names.

3.  You have always provided me with a safe and secure home. I always knew that when I walked through our front door that I would be met with love, care, and happiness.

4.  You made sure I had a sibling. I don’t think I’ve ever told you how proud I am of the both of you for taking on another pregnancy after loosing Kristi at birth. I can’t imagine the stress and anxiety that came along with it. But I can’t imagine life without a Bradley in our family.

5.  You were firm in your actions when you needed to be, but you didn’t tie me down and shelter me from the outside world. I think that that has made me a well-rounded person today with many perspectives of our society.

6.  You have always encouraged me to follow my hopes and dreams. Especially when my life is about to take a big turn and shift in the coming months, you constantly listen to me as I reflect and you help me to explore all avenues of my future.

7.  Thanks for the red head gene :)

8.  Mom, thanks for all the homemade chocolate chip cookies and peanut butter and jam sandwiches.

9.  Dad, thanks for instilling in me my love for cooking. It’s nice to have someone to share such an amazing and creative passion with.

10.   Hugs. Oh, you both give the best hugs.

11. When I wanted so badly to quit school and come home in the beginning months of my first year of university, you stood your ground and encouraged me to stick it out and you never once offered to come pick me up. Though it hurt my heart at the time, I can’t thank you enough for making me stay. These last 5 years of university have been unforgettable, life changing, and allowed me to meet some of my best friends.

12.  You taught me to value the little things in life – like how the red metal toboggan will always slide down the side hill at the house in Bristol faster then any other sled.

13.   When I need help, I always know that one of you will be on the other end of the phone to talk to when needed. Thanks for the help with car problems, financial woes, and heartaches.

14.  Thank you for all the family trips. I have cherished every single one of them.

15. You taught me the importance of family. I am so blessed to come from such a supportive and loving family. You both allowed me to get to know all members of my family, and displayed how to love and get love in return.

16.  The laughs. Dad, you have got to be one of the funniest people I know. I brag about you all the time to my friends. I know that when I’m at a low, I can count on you to bring me back to reality.

17.  You let me talk. You listen, you give me advice, and you got me through some pretty sticky and tough times in high school.

18.  For introducing me to Michael Jackson. Enough said.

19. Supporting my ever-changing interests as a kid. Gymnastics, figure skating, piano, swim team, leadership, exchange trips, choir, and so on. Whenever I expressed an interest in something new, you allowed me to give it a try. Thanks for driving me all over the province and allowing me to explore my interests.

20.  My favourite time of the year is Christmas time. I thank the both of you for making Christmas time in our family rich in family time.

21. All of the pets. I know time and time again Brad and I would promise to clean up after them and take care of them everyday. And we all know that Brad and I sucked at keeping those promises. So despite our lack of follow through, thanks for bringing those beautiful animals into our lives.

22. For putting braces on my teeth. As much as I hated the 5 years of metal torture on my teeth, I am so grateful for my straight-toothed smile now that I’m older.

23. For never pressuring me to be someone that I'm not. You've always accepted me for me.

24. For going on all of the recent vacations without your two grown up rug-rats. You guys deserve it, and I always look so forward to seeing your pictures and hearing of your adventures when you get home. Take more vacations! 

And last but not least…

25. Thanks for always being the two rocks of our little family of four. You keep me grounded and level-headead when I make things out to be 10x worse then they really are. You encourage me, support me, and love me. I couldn't ask for better, more loving parents.

Happy 25th Anniversary Mom and Dad. I'm so proud of you.

Love,
Melissa xoxo